Hello guys, long time no see. I'm going to make a little complain to my current job. it's stable and fine paying and again it's to me is just a ' job'. in the beginning i thought i'm willing to do anything to make my works good, but now I'm feeling frustrated month after month. it seems that my good mood for this job has gradually goes down. it's not a bad job honestly, it's an art job, everything seems good, when me and my friends chatting about our jobs my jobs always seems to be a better place to stay. but there's something I found it missing. what happened is that, well, outside my relationship troubles which I'm not in any relationship anymore, other than that, I'm a very hard working person, I'm willing to look up to someone who I respect and follow his or her words, as long as I trust him or her and believing that him or her has clear version where I can not see by myself and I'm willing to spend my times and energy to complete his or her works to make certain goals comes true. Basically it has been too many time that I have been working on something my boss told me to do, when I worked hard half way or finished the job than I heard that the boss canceled the task, or just holding it, and it will be left in the corner for months and months and never seems to be touched again. but the thing is that I do care for those works. when I was doing my arts I do want to care for them, so I would expecting them to do well and seeing them finished and be shared by others. but doing my job, I'm feeling that the works I have done for this job is not 'mine', because I can't continue the work if it's canceled, or being hold. I can't share them personally because they don't belong to me. the company paid me to create them, and if the boss doesn't want to continue it I can do nothing about it. it's a strange feeling and I'm feeling more and more like a robot, when I'm creating my works I'm expecting it to be canceled in the back of my mind, even though it's ain't nothing wrong about my work but my boss's strange ass decision making. the boss likes my works, but a project can be canceled for many reasons. maybe the budget is not enough, or maybe the time is not enough, but because I'm told to actually making the work isn't the schedule and the expenses needs to be set by the boss or by the higher manager already, before they telling the artist what to draw for the product? everyone should have learned how to make a good schedule and follow it in college and I don't know why a big boss or other managers can't make it. I have no power over them, I'm only looking after the art and design department, I do whatever I have been told, like a factory, but I have heart, I want to give my time and my best to make things good, and isn't a good employee suppose to be like this? and if the good works is canceled wouldn't I be disappointed? should I do my works roughly because I know the managers will never really make anything happen? should I go to work just to wait for my monthly pay day? I don't know, it seems that right now I'm just looking forward to my monthly paycheck as they ain't bad pays. it ain't bad, it's better than being unemployed, but I don't feel I have been using my art properly. my arts are for competitions, are for people to share and like, not created for somebody eases in the company to hold in the corner in some old computer files.
I have been feeling down for the past few weeks, re-thinking about what I should do for my arts. I told my old gym trainer and other friends, and i think I might be good if I learning to become a tattoo artist and joining my friend's new studio. I think I like the idea of a tattoo artist, I had two tattoos and I think I can make it if I spend sometime learning the tattooing machine. maybe tattooing can help me to find confident in my art, as I'm designing it I would know that it's something important for my client and I'm willing to make it looks good. I think it's a better attitude on create arts as a job. even the in the beginning the pay would be lower for my current job, but if I'm willing to invest sometime in learning it maybe I can be very good at it, and I could leave my current job and to do tattooing full-time.
hows you guys thing? I feel I need to be inspired again, I think over these 2 years I have been used to making my art for a 'job', I need to get that motivation back.
well other than that, I have been alright. I have a small surgery to do in the beginning of October, it ain't anything big. so I'll have to pause my work out for few weeks, that would frustrate me for sure. I have been working out very well and I'll have to work harder in the future for those missing days so I don't loss too much muscles or get fat or whatever.
wish things well : p